It's not often that I'll admit to myself that things are going well. More often than not, I find myself cheering 'why me', instead of relishing all the good that I have in my life.
But! I guess it's true that people move at different places. Especially so when your 3 yr girlfriend dumps you at family Christmas. My emotionally latent boyfriend has moved into doteland and I am queen! The other day be admitted to me that if I had been gone a little longer he could imagine missing me. Leaps. And. Bounds.
Otherwise, it feels like I was patient and something changed. How do I feel? I feel pretty like. Awestruck. At times. I do feel some insecurities considering his massive brain, but thankfully he's enough of a goob that it works.
The other day he randomly picked me up and I was super down because of people at work laying into me after my vacation. I was quiet and tired and he just puttered around me. I felt bad for being awkward until he just sat in front of me and hugged me. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and caught up in being lonely, but he pulled me out of dark and twisty.
I still haven't told him about my big bad. I'm scared that if I do, we won't be normal. Every time I say I'm not hungry it will be because of the sickness and I'll feel compelled to change my behaviour for the wrong reasons.
It hasn't been great lately. After I got back from Spain I had three instances in a week. It's so hard not telling anyone. I haven't been able to talk about it for years.
Anyways, I guess things are good but 25 yr oldly hard.
Of course, this wouldn't be an authentic log if I didn't insert the disclaimer that I have some marginal amount of grievances to keep me company.
Sometimes I miss my real best friend.
That I was terrible to.
He'd hate that.